Explaining Water Bottles to Retards

So this lady comes through my line with a ton of stuff, so I already knew it was going to take a while. This lady ended up wasting way more of my time than I expected...

First she doesn't understand how a water bottle works. Really...? You put water in it and then you drink it. The little ice pack goes in the freezer, you put it in the pouch and it keeps your drink cold. What is so hard to understand about that? "well how long do you put it in the freezer for?" I don't know, until it's frozen? What do you want me to say? You have to leave it in for 3 hours 42 minutes and 36 seconds? I can't give you a fucking time frame lady just leave it in until it's cold.
I don't know, I'm just a cashier water bottles are way too high tech for me...

We have a sale buy 2 perfumes get 2 free. This lady gets like 20 and wants me to make sure all the caps are on tight. They're already on tight, it's not going to come undone.

In total this lady bought over $200 of stuff, $8 was food so she spends 10 minutes searching for her food stamps card ...
Finally she pays for the food and pulls out a stack of $20s. I thought we were done but no, she had to inspect each one to make sure they weren't stuck together, but double checking isn't good enough,the fact I would have gave her back anything extra she gave me wasn't good enough either. She had to inspect each $20, 5 times each....
I'm standing there calmly, smiling. In my mind I'm screaming " give me the fucking money and get out already!!!"

Finally she pays and leaves. As I sigh in relief the next customer comes with even more stuff. All I could hear was Darth Vader from episode III yelling no!
That lady actually turned out to be pretty cool though. She commented how she was shocked how patient I was with the lady before her. I'm still shocked too.

Empty Beer

During 3rd shift the store was pretty dead so I was going around doing my work. I come back to my register and someone was nice enough to leave an empty clear plastic cup of beer on my counter. Who walks around with a clear plastic cup of beer at 4 in the morning? Yeah, you're cool.

Next time a beer is left at my register I hope it's an un-opened Bud Light.