Goodbye Russia

A while back I talked about a guy we call Russia.
This guy is an unemployed heroine addict. He plays this game of hide and seek where he panhandles in the parking lot until we get numerous complaints about some homeless guy harassing people and then he some how knows we're coming to tell him to leave and hides in the bushes on the edge of the property where we can't say anything to him because he's technically not on the property anymore. When we go back inside he comes back and the cycle repeats.
I've talked to other cashiers at the local stores and he plays the same game with everyone.

This guy has even bothered at the local laundromat when I'm off the clock just trying to do my laundry. He tried to "help" me put my bras and panties in the dryer. Dude you're old enough to be my dad, get the fuck out of here.
He always complains about how his life is so horrible, how he's a Russian immigrant and his mom kicked him out when he was 9, how everyone is out to fuck him over, how he see's demons and ghouls but he swears he wasn't on drugs when he saw them. He just wants everyone to feel bad for him and thinks the world owes him something and he deserves handouts while not having to work for anything.

I used to feel bad for him but I don't anymore. There's a quote I love by a Japanese actress named 景子北川 - Keiko Kitagawa. On her blog she once said:

 "You're not alone in struggling alone.
The world is full of people who are struggling as you do.
Each by themselves, but not alone.
Each separate from the other, but by no means alone...
We humans may go through some tough days for a while,
and it may make me wonder if
I'm the heroine in the world's biggest tragedy,
but I'm not the only one who has it tough or has difficulties.
I was made to realize that
everyone of us has to live with their share of troubles and hardships.
All around the world there are people who are suffering much more,
so with my troubles being minute in comparison,
are they even deserving of worry?"

Basically we all have our problems, but we aren't the only ones in the world with problems. You can either let life overwhelm you and feel sorry for yourself or you can do something and try to improve your life.

As fucked up as it sounds, one day when Russia was bothering me I thought to myself "this guy is just wasting his life feeling sorry for himself. If he's not willing to help himself why should anyone else? He's just a burden on society and the world would be better off if he just overdosed and died"

Well I found out the other night he did overdose on heroine about a week ago and he's dead now. Am I sad now that he actually is dead? No. I feel like I can walk around my neighborhood now without worrying about him bothering me.
I am sad that he wasn't able to live a better life, I'm sad for him that he let his life get as pathetic as it was.

So I guess RIP Russia. Maybe now he's in a better place.

Lost in Mentaltown

A man comes in around midnight and asks what town he's in. I said "This is Mentaltown". He says "Really? I've been wandering around for several hours trying to figure out where I am" I asked him where he was heading and he named a town about 20 miles away so I asked him if he wanted to use our phone to call a cab, he said "No I've got the money but I'm a firm believer in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" I am too, but I'm not going to walk 20 miles somewhere I don't have directions to, in 20 degree weather. I asked the guy if he was sure, and he said yeah and left.

A few hours later he comes back to buy some Red Bull. I asked him how his travels were and he said "I got half way there and decided to come back"

Excuse me officer can you help me...? I need a pack of Newports

I don't know what this lady was on... But I want it lol. She comes in and buys some candy with food stamps, and then she wanted to buy a pack of Newport's. Those are our most popular cigarettes so it's one of the few items I actually know the price of off hand. They're $8.28 with tax but the lady only had $5 so then she wanted to return the candy to afford them. When I told her that wouldn't work she asked why... I don't know ma'am because you can't buy cigarettes with food stamps? So she hangs around for a bit, talking to me (I have no idea what she's talking about, I'm just agreeing with everything she says) and asking people if they can spare $3.
What was hilarious though was when a cop came through my line. She says "excuse me officer can you help me?" I thought maybe she was going to ask for a ride home since she was fucked up and mentioned she lived a bit of a (walking) distance away. Instead she says "can you help me officer...? I need $3 for a pack of smokes" lmao! It was so hard for me, and I think the cop too to not laugh at her. I'm also shocked the cop didn't do a sobriety test.

It was getting to the point where I was considering calling the manager to kick her out when she finally left. That lady was enough crazy for one night...

The look

When ringing someone out, sometimes they get what I've dubbed 'The look'. They're checking the prices as you ring everything up as if you're intentionally trying to over charge them. They're head tilts to the side, mouth agape staring intently as if somethings wrong.Whenever I see 'The Look' I don't even bother waiting for them to say "Why isn't _____ ringing up at ____?" I just ask whats wrong. They're always confused, "How did you know I was going to say that?'

You people look retarded

Next time you're at the store take a look around, I guarantee there's an old person somewhere with this look on their face.

Snooki on my intercom

I'm not one to spend much time on Facebook, I'll just quickly check it on my iPhone every once in a while. However a week or 2 ago I was reading a friends status about Snooki's pregnancy that I found hilarious. It said her due date was the Mayan doomsday.

Btw, what happened to Lindsay Lohan's face? 0_o

The other night at work I had to page my supervisor for something, I can't even remember what. Apparently after I paged him I didn't hang up the phone properly. I continued ringing out customers and someone noticed US Weekly which currently has a pregnant Snooki on the cover. We started talking about her pregnancy and I started cracking jokes. A lot of them were from the status below, and a few of my own like if Snooki breast feeds her baby that kid will probably be constantly wasted and child services will probably go wait in the hospitals waiting room the second they hear she's gone into labor. I even quoted her from one of the few episodes I've seen. Personally I hate Jersey Shore. I think it gives whorible messages to our already retarded youth such as "this is the night to go all out and get drunk, steal a plant, have sex with an old man and get arrested"

Little do I realize everything I'm saying is being broadcast to the pharmacy and the back room. Thank god it wasn't through out the whole store.

After about 10 minutes my pharmacist friend I talked about in Crappy Finger Painting comes to the front. I said "oh hey _____ I've never seen you come up here before" he's laughing and says "just a tip you might want to hang up the phone"

 

 

 

9/8/12 update

  

 

I like how according to Google, Snooki's kid was born August 26th. So this baby is less then 2 weeks old and she's already throwing it in the spotlight.

 

I'm sure Snooki is going to be a great mom...



"you can take those bananas and shove them up your ass"

I was just bagging when I notice 2 customers arguing in the express lane. I go to the register and there's 2 men.

The first is a young guy with glasses, he hadn't noticed the 12 items or less sign which 90% of you people don't notice but most of the time we won't make a big deal about it. He had I don't know maybe 30 or so items.

The second man is an older guy in his late 50's early 60's. He actually saw the sign and was angry with the guy in front of him and was making unnecessary comments like " the sign says 12 items or less don't your glasses work?" and "you can take those bananas and shove them up your ass"

Meanwhile my coworker on register is trying his hardest to just keep his mouth shut and not to laugh at the immaturity of the older gentleman.

I applaud the younger guy for not giving in and commenting back.

I decide to step in and say "ok sir let's just calm down" he replies "no you need to not tell me to calm down, you're not the one who had to wait in line. I didn't say it but I'm thinking to myself "gee sit you're right. I've never had to wait in a line before."

I can understand if he'd been waiting a while but I saw him get in line, he'd only been waiting 5 minutes.

No one likes to wait in a line but you just have to be patient and wait your fucking turn. This guy was acting like a child.

He was very upset so I asked "would you like to speak with my supervisor?" he says "not if it's the fat useless one" so now I'm trying not to laugh and say "I'm not sure which one you're referring to but if that's how you feel I'll go get the store manager.

I go to ask my supervisor to get the store manager and don't even have to explain the situation the man had been loud enough for her to hear 20 feet away and agrees the man is being ridiculous.

My store manager comes over and before he has a chance to say anything the customer says "oh god this guy? Never mind I'm leaving"

I didn't say it but I'm thinking ok that's cool if you're going to be a douche don't come back either.
Instead of telling that guy to shove his bananas up his ass, why don't you get your head out of your ass first sir.

Empty Beer

During 3rd shift the store was pretty dead so I was going around doing my work. I come back to my register and someone was nice enough to leave an empty clear plastic cup of beer on my counter. Who walks around with a clear plastic cup of beer at 4 in the morning? Yeah, you're cool.

Next time a beer is left at my register I hope it's an un-opened Bud Light.

 

Buy One Get One Free

The night of the super bowl, after it's ended 2 men come in around 3 am. We had a special Super Bowl sale where you bought a bag of Doritos and got a second bag free. We also had Tostitos dip next to the display. However a sign clearly stateted it was buy some chips and get the second bag free.

The man comes up to me and the conversation went something like this:

Customer: So what's this sale? I buy something and I get something free?
Me: Yeah, you buy a bag of chips and you get the second for free.
Customer: So I buy a bag of chips and get some dip for free?
Me: No sir, you buy a bag of chips and you get the second one for free.
Customer: So I don't get any dip?
Me: If you want to buy it seperatly then sure.
Customer: But it's not part of the sale?
Me: No.
Customer: So why's the dip here?
Me: Because people like chips and dip? The store assumes you'll just buy it since you're buying chips anyway.
Customer: But I don't get the dip for free?
Me: No.
Customer: So what do I get for free if I don't get the dip
Me (ready to bang my head against the wall): You buy 1 bag of Doritos. You get a second bag of Doritos for free.
Customer: You know I'm just trying to understand the sale and now you're giving me a hard time..

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I don't know how else I can explain you buy a bag of chips and get a second for free. X_x
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Finally the man buys one bag of chips and decides to start hitting on me. He's chewing with his mouth open, now spitting Dorito's all over my counter and floor. I know every woman finds that so attractive...

To top it all off this man thinks he's in a different town which is about 20 miles away.

Customer: By the way isn't this Waterbury?
Me: No sir this is Mentaltown.
Customer: Nahhhhh you's fuckin with me right? This is Waterbury
Me: No this is Mentaltown
Customer: Nah you're lying.
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Ok sir, just to entertain myself I'm 'lying' about what town you're in.
Ever heard of a GPS dumbass?
Sadly that's not the only time someone's came in thinking this was a totally different town. X_x

1 dozen clams = ?

I was talking to a co-worker in the Seafood department. He told me a customer asked him how many clams come in a dozen. What's even sadder is he said thats a common question.

Why is it called common sense when it isn't that common?