Excuse me officer can you help me...? I need a pack of Newports

I don't know what this lady was on... But I want it lol. She comes in and buys some candy with food stamps, and then she wanted to buy a pack of Newport's. Those are our most popular cigarettes so it's one of the few items I actually know the price of off hand. They're $8.28 with tax but the lady only had $5 so then she wanted to return the candy to afford them. When I told her that wouldn't work she asked why... I don't know ma'am because you can't buy cigarettes with food stamps? So she hangs around for a bit, talking to me (I have no idea what she's talking about, I'm just agreeing with everything she says) and asking people if they can spare $3.
What was hilarious though was when a cop came through my line. She says "excuse me officer can you help me?" I thought maybe she was going to ask for a ride home since she was fucked up and mentioned she lived a bit of a (walking) distance away. Instead she says "can you help me officer...? I need $3 for a pack of smokes" lmao! It was so hard for me, and I think the cop too to not laugh at her. I'm also shocked the cop didn't do a sobriety test.

It was getting to the point where I was considering calling the manager to kick her out when she finally left. That lady was enough crazy for one night...

Parking lot volleyball

I went on my cigarette break around 3am to find 4 kids in my parking lot. I guess they weren't really kids, they were in there 20s. It was 3 guys and a girl sitting by their car with some Captain Morgan. I had checked them out several hours before hand when they had bought a ball and some candy. Here they are now hours later playing volleyball in my empty parking lot. I walked up to them and they were very friendly and offered me a shot which I politely declined. Too bad I was on the clock, otherwise I would have loved a shot or 2.

These guys weren't bothering anyone or causing any damage so I didn't really care that they were hanging out in the back of the parking lot.
Still that was a first, I've never seen people playing drunken volley ball in a parking lot at 3AM.

Condom Lady

My first over night. A woman stumbles in around 11pm, she's an obese redneck with food stains all over her shirt and pants, her fly down and a lazy eye. She looks kind of like this:

She comes up to me reaking of booze and whispers in my ear, as if it's the biggest secret in the world "Hey kid go get me the cheapest condoms". "Yes M'am" I replied  internally disgusted. I go get the condoms and checking her out when she says to me "These aren't really for me. This guy knocked up my daughter so I'm going to chop off his dick and then give him the condoms as a joke present! Isn't that hilarious?!" lol.

She continues talking to me about various subjects for another 40 minutes, asking me every 5 what color her eyes are. Did she think they were going to change in 5 minutes? Next she explains how Native Americans, eye color and Saint Patricks Day are all connected which I still don't understand.

I had work I needed to get done and wanted to tell her that, but as if she could read my mind she starts talking about how she has a horrible temper and so-and-so knows that no one should ever fuck with her. This woman reminded me of Jabba the Hutt and I think if she really wanted to she could break me in half so I concluded I was technically helping a customer and it gave me an excuse to stand around and not really do any work, so I continued listening to her continuously changing topics.

The woman continued  talking to me (more of a monologue) about how her and my co-worker are really "in love", a love she doesn't understand is one-sided. She says how she calls and they flirt on the phone. Also, fuck her kids, fuck her husband her and my co-worker are going to run away together back to her home state down south... the state of Maine. They're just going to run away together with a $100 and live happily ever after.

Finally this woman raps up our conversation (her monologue) with how she wants to pretend to be dead and hide in a coffin, covering herself in fake blood. She's then going to go to her own funeral and listen to what everyone has to say about her and then at the end jump out and tell them all to go fuck themselves.

I haven't seen this lady since. Part of me is a little scared of her, but the other part wants her to come back in for lolz.